To be honest part of me feels bad when I tell other people that Mark is on paternity leave for 11 weeks. Why is that so? Why do I feel as though I am not worthy of this? …..I think perhaps it is that I wish it for everyone with young children.
That said I would be lying if I said there wasn’t an amount of ambivalence on my part as the weeks drew closer to the start of Mark’s leave, excitement too. The ambivalence was how am I going to go sharing my space. You see I am an introvert I need time to myself and my own space. Sure this house we live in is our space, but from 8am – 6pm five days a week it was my space, it was my house and my work place.
I ask my kids to share, I expect my kids to share, hell sometimes I make my kids share. Yet when it comes to me sharing this space 24/7 with the man I love, I felt nervous?
This is the fourth week of leave and it is going pretty well. Mark knows me well, he knows I need space. And the fact that we discussed my excitement an reservations more than once before leave commenced, has helped set up good patterns where he often takes the kids out for their organised and spontaneous activities.
Right now I have the house entirely to myself…..such a treat!!
Not having my mother has meant I didn’t have those times where that older wiser women would come and stay offering their love, support and wisdom. Taking our babes under her safe nurturing wing to the park, so I might sleep, or to a hair cut so I could have one on one time with one babe or with my love. (And my God my mother would have LOVED to do that)
There was one women who did all that for me shortly after mum died, one of the best gifts I’ve been given. And we have recently been blessed with Melissa a truly special, loving, generous, kind, energetic women who just loves kids, ours included, and has often contacted me on a friday to ask if she can have some time with my kids – bless her cotton socks!
All that said we are fortunate to have this special time where Mark can be at home, to be fully emersed with all things kids, it is good for all of us.
Qn…..Why is it so hard to carve out time for myself? Why do I feel guilty if i do? My to do list is looooong and with Mark around I am not getting through it any faster?!
*Photos by Tahnee